I'm here, still hanging on, and it feels good to be back to a place where I feel comfortable. I truly have missed you so.
I know that blogging seems to have gone by the wayside, in favor of other methods of social media that give quicker and easier responses. There is no "like" button on my blog -- not even the old "thumbs up." The only way I know you've been here and read this post is if you leave a comment, which is sooo cumbersome compared to a "like" or quick comment on FB, or a heart emoji on Twitter or Instagram. But, I'm ok with that.
I love comments, "likes," and "hearts" -- they makes my day, but the quick responses and likes are not a good trade for my sanity. I have experienced the FB experiment for over a year and I am just not cut out for it. Maybe my skin is too thin, or my anxiety too close to the surface, but FB and Twitter are just sh*t stirrers (pardon my language) and I am finished. I use it for my business, but I can not scroll trough the feed on FB anymore looking for news about family and friends. Most of what I find are political statements or advertising for someone or something. I'm guilty myself of sharing what I call "garbage," and I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I contributed to the mess that satan so loves. He loves the garbage and the stirring of the sh*t -- keeping ideas and statements and images swirling around us like a tornado of human anger, hatred, feelings of worthlessness, and materialism.
My life is chaotic enough without adding to the mix the opinions of literally millions of other people popping in at any moment. I will post my blog posts on my timeline for my old blogging friends, and use it for my business, but I won't be scrolling through the feed anymore. Family members, I love you, but I can't sift through the garbage to find the beautiful pictures of your children and your news about what's happening in your little corner of the world. Friends, I love you too, but I just want to know what's happening in your lives, not the entire world! I need to stay in my safe little cave. I think I always will -- I'm just not made for the world. Please, send me your news, pictures of your kids, tidbits about your days. I'll give my phone number to any of my friends -- just text me some news once in a while! I'll love you even more for the extra effort.
In my world, my business is busy, but not necessarily very profitable. Every day I vacillate between going back to looking for a real job and continuing with what I'm doing. Just when I think I've made up my mind, I get another laundry client, or more food orders than normal, and then I'm just busy and don't have time to think about what I should do. I guess I'll do it until something happens that causes me to change what I'm doing. I'm home three days a week, mostly, and almost always when Faith gets home from school. Every day she comes in with her arms out for a hug and says "Mommy, I missed you so much!" which is probably part teasing and a tiny bit true. For 14 years she was with me 24/7. Maybe just a little she really does miss me.
Doug's business is really just dawning. It may take a while for it to really shine, but it has great potential. It's going to take patience for both of us, but we're in it for the long haul now. I think I've said this about a hundred times in the past 11 months, but I'll say it again -- "I never thought we'd be where we are at this point in our lives," but this is where we are and we have to make the best of it. There's no going back, we can only be grateful for the sun to come up each day, slowly glowing at the horizon and filling the sky with more light as each moment passes.
Yes, I iron boxer shorts.