Last night we hosted a birthday party for my just-turned eighteen year old and our house was fairly well filled with teenage boys -- a breed of their own, I must say, if you have no experience with teenage boys.
The party went late, later than planned, and last night I chose not to survey the basement, where most of the partying went on, before bed. Wise choice.
But then, when I awoke this morning I got busy with breakfast and getting Peach and I out the door -- we had a before-lunch date with my mom, and Disney on Ice. You might say I intentionally didn't approach the basement as a little test of those I left at home. I won't say whether you might be right about that.
Moral of that story is -- don't test your husband unless you like disappointment.
When Peach and I returned home from much girly, girl fun and lunch out, I surveyed the basement and found that nothing had happened since last night, unless you count the cooler leaking all over the carpet as something.
I set to work, picking up empty root beer bottles and bottle caps (did we really buy that much root beer?), empty soda cans, paper plates (no napkins -- surprise, surprise), and candy wrappers from the floor, sweeping crumbs off the carpet, and hauling chairs up the stairs. At one point I began to feel very uncharitable. My son bore a bit of the brunt of my feelings with a lecture on how he better never let someone else's mother clean up after him, and how if I ever found out that he did, I would kick his behind.
After cleaning most of the mess, I had calmed a bit and thought about what a nice party it was, really, and how all the boys seemed very happy and enjoyed themselves.
Even if I felt very uncharitable at the moment, at least I had acted charitable toward the boys when they were here. I am hoping that it matters more how I act, than how I feel.
"At the end of our life, we shall all be judged by charity." -- St. John of the Cross
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Oh, Barbara~
ReplyDeleteYou handled it much better than I would have. I'm realizing more and more (as my kids grow older and I listen to mom with older kids) how MUCH more patient and charitable I am going to have to be in order to survive the coming years. How much my sense of humor is going to have to kick in, and what a long way I have to go in remembering what I was like way back then.
Somehow, it seems easier to relate to, and be forgiving of, a toddler than a teenager... but in a lot of ways their mindset is the same, isn't it?
:P
BEEN THERE, done that! More than once! Actually, we have been known to wake up said untidy teenager and make him clean right then--but that releases some ugly consequences, since certain people around here are not exactly "Mr. Sunshine" in the mornings.
ReplyDeleteOh, and yeah, I know exactly how much root beer they went through. Around here it's Dr. Pepper and a local concoction called "Boost"...but the quantities are prodigious. (Boost is non-alcoholic, for the record)
I think I am having an easier time dealing with these challenges with my youngest. I have adjusted my expectations and try to enjoy the boys. They are nice people.
ReplyDeleteYou make an excellent point about the "moral of that story." I try very hard to be aware of what I am expecting of all family members and to do what I can to avoid disappointment.
Thanks for the honest post and the smiles!
i HATE to say it. but i would've expected nothing.
ReplyDeleteper my "experience" with teenage boys. and boys period. AND my husband. who is very accustomed to having me pick up all the messes.
i have to admit. i was kind of thinking you'd had a really great experience AND they had cleaned the whole mess up while you were gone. and then i would've been JEALOUS. because. well, just because.
my last outing with girl-friends-i left to my husband frying eggs on the stove in about 4 inches of olive oil. i could swear the pan was burning while he looked for something in the fridge. i was really tempted to stay. just so i could fix the eggs. but i didn't. i just walked away.
sometimes that's all you can do.
just walk away.
boys are just a completely different species.
they don't SEE things the way we do.
and i think even my boys-who should KNOW better-probably would've done the same thing.
and you were a peach about it!
i don't think feeling uncharitable is necessarily wrong. that is part of our nature. and it so hard when it means more work for us.but you bit your tongue. at least to the guests.
your boy probably expected you to say something! i know mine do.
Nutmeg,
ReplyDeleteToddlers and teens are really so much the same. If I didn't laugh, I'd cry! ;-)
Barb,
I'm glad I waited and then he did help (a little). And then he only got a lecture and not a tongue lashing.
Lisa,
Inside I knew they would fail the test, hence it wasn't much of a test, was it?
Regan,
You make me smile. Really.
What an awesome example on some good "Old Fashioned" charity. I must think of this and put into practice often...
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine what life will be like with teenagers. At one point, I will have five of them at one time—my oldest will be 18, my twins will be 13! YIKES! I am grateful to be reading all of these teen stories now in the hopes that I am collecting much wisdom ... and yes, charity for what lies ahead. Oh, and like Nutmeg, I will have to work on increasing that sense of humor of mine =)
ReplyDelete