What's a mother to do?

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The other day my Joshua asked me why do people get smaller with age. At the time I said something about losing bone density and muscle mass and blah, blah, blah. It sounded good at the time.

I realized yesterday, however, why old people are small. The life has been sucked out of them by their children. I suppose that medical studies would prove my theory wrong, but it sounds plausible and I'm sticking to it.

For the last couple days my kids have been sucking the life out of me, and I haven't been handling it well. Saturday night I mumbled under my breath (or maybe not so under my breath) something about "spilling my basket" and "my children visiting me in a padded room."

I was at the pool on Friday with a friend and while our big kids were swimming as far from us as they could get, we watched the toddlers play in the shallow water in front of us. I wanted to tell the parents of a particularly sweet little guy, "just you wait until he grows up and breaks your heart." What a killjoy I am.

Would any of us become parents if we truly knew how hard it would be? My kids, by today's standards, are pretty good kids. So far no one has robbed a convenience store, become addicted to illegal drugs, been arrested for drinking and driving. Not that none of these things will ever happen (God help us), but they haven't yet. But still, they are killing me. They make choices contrary to my advice, choices which I fear will result in sin. I try to convince them that my way is the best way, that I have learned what is best, but they do what they want, and that leaves my heart heavy. How many times can you teach a child the way, and then watch them take another path? Even in just simple things, you teach and you teach, and then they disregard. I tell them all the time, "you are making my chest hurt." Hopefully I won't die of a heart attack and leave them with a life of guilt.

So what's a mother to do with her heavy heart? I pray. I beg God for mercy for my children. "Please God, let them follow you. Let them see that You are the only way to true happiness." When I attend Mass I give my children to Jesus in the tabernacle. When Father returns the consecrated Eucharist to the tabernacle, I give my children to Jesus in the tabernacle, for Him to keep and protect. I have even, at times of desperation, imagined myself taking my child to the altar and placing him before the altar. When I feel I have done all I can, I say, "God, I am giving my child to You. You are the only One who can make this better."

I ask my Heavenly Mother for her prayers of protection. I pray for my children's intentions with the rosary. I ask their Guardian Angels' for prayers -- they can be mighty powerful. A mother's love and prayers, some days, is the only hope.

"Woman is stronger than man and more faithful in the hour of trial: Mary Magdalene and Mary Cleophas and Salome.

With a group of valiant women like these, closely united to our sorrowful Mother, what work for souls could be done in the world!" -- St. Josemaria Escriva

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