Dear Friends,

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Your kindness is a balm for my sore heart today. I so very much appreciate your kind thoughts, your prayers, and mostly, your understanding. All parents are scrutinized by others in some way, at some time. It might be a stranger in the grocery store, or one's own mother, sister-in-law, next door neighbor. We all have expectations of how children should be raised, and some people choose to be verbal about their criticism.

I do not impose my standards are others and maybe that's wrong. I would step into a situation in which a child, or someone else, was harmed or in danger. Other than that I try to let people make their own decisions and live with the results. We can't protect each other from our own free will.


To my reader, Anna: I don't know if you are a regular reader here, and if you are not then you don't know my family or my children. I thought I made myself clear in my post yesterday that I was not, at all, giving my son a pass on his behavior. He did behave inappropriately for his age at Mass. I should not have to redirect a teenager who has been to Mass every Sunday of his life and daily Mass very often. I don't excuse his behavior by saying he is a teen, but it does make it more understandable. This is my third teen and I agree with many medical experts who say teens behave more like toddlers than young adults. Frankly, sometimes, they act like their brains are scrambled. I don't understand it, but I do acknowledge it. That doesn't mean I stand by and let him be rude, or obnoxious. I correct, and I correct, and I correct again.

We all take baggage to Mass (and the grocery store and to work) in one way or another. We all have situations that no one else knows about. I may have medical problems, you may have just lost a loved one. We can't know another's anguish, but our own anguish is not excuse to be indecent to each other.

With the exception of a grandparent, and possibly a teacher, my children have never been corrected by any one else -- that's just the way our personal environment is. Frankly, our neighbors don't care about our children, to correct them or to love them. Noah has been homeschooled since first grade and there are not many circumstances which put him under direct authority of another adult. Believe me, he was shocked by the incident in church. He was shocked to learn that his behavior was noticed by another person. He is a painfully shy boy and always tries to avoid bring attention to himself. Yesterday he learned he does not live in a bubble, and I am fine with that. I am completely o.k. with him learning that his behavior has consequences. Had the incident happened in any of a dozen other ways, I would even be grateful. But it was done with malice, with intent to hurt.

The woman who thumped him on the back and told him he behaved worse than a six-year-old said it with hate, she said it to hurt. She clearly had something else going on in her life, but, you see, she didn't share that with us. She only shared her anger and her distaste for another human being. I am a very sympathetic person, as is my husband, and I hope, my children. I would gladly take her hatred if I could somehow help her by doing it, but I don't think any one was helped by this situation.

She was looking for a distraction if she noticed my son's behavior. He wasn't goofing or horsing around. His eyes wandered more than a few times and he was caught whispering with his brother. He wasn't doing anything that required an apology. This morning he told me that when he stood up to go to Holy Communion she hissed at him,"Grow up!" Maybe because he is 6 feet and 200 pounds she thought he was older than he was. Maybe she judged. I can't say what she was thinking because she didn't share that with us. She just wanted to unload on someone, and for that she has my prayers.

When I go to Mass I also go to recharge. Yesterday someone robbed me of that and I was hurt. But, we are called to forgive, which ironically is what Father's homily was about yesterday.


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