Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:6-7



Thursday, September 30, 2010

Off my chest

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Just between me and you, I don't like girls very much right now. More specifically, I don't like girls whose age ends in teen. More specifically I don't like girls whose age ends in teen that date my son.

Girls have changed a lot since I was one. Girls today are smart ~ not in a good way. They are smart and conniving. They are smart and conniving and determined.

I'm certain all teenage girls don't fit that description, but those with whom I have come in contact recently (more specifically, one that dates my son) are. When I was a teenage girl, I was passive, probably too much so. I haven't met a passive teenage girl recently.

Last night, when I should have been sleeping, I was having an argument with my teenage son about why he could not drive 30 miles to pick up his girl on Friday night, drive 30 miles in a different direction to his high school football game, return the girl afterward, driving 30 miles, and then home 30 miles. Besides the fact that the opposing school is in a bad neighborhood, I don't want him driving that much. I told him if she wants to go with him to the game, she can drive to our house, and he and she can ride with his dad to the game. She declined. Said it was "too much trouble." And so, in effort to please her, he was arguing with me to try to change my mind. Grrr.

I hate being pulled into an argument, especially at an unreasonable hour of the day, but there it was, happening anyway. My son has become a different person since he started dating. He has become, to some degree, conniving and determined as well. Hmmm. Where he once was very passive, didn't really mind staying home all the time, was content at whatever he was doing, now he's chomping at the bit.

Did I mention that teenage girls are conniving? I thought so.

One day this week, my son informed me, on a school night, that his girl was on her way over (from 30 miles away) and they were going to go out and "fool around." I don't think he meant "fool around" the way I looked at it, but you never know. The trouble is, she called him when she was already on her way. I think she probably knew I wouldn't send her away once she got here. She has done that a few times now. Next time I might just tranquilize my son, lock the door and turn the lights out. Kidding. Sort of.

I really shouldn't speak ill of my son's girlfriend, but right now I look at her as the enemy. To me, she's like a tough, guerrilla soldier trying to infiltrate the front line. She might look like a sweet young lady, but she's a combatant, ready for war. The definition of a guerrilla (I looked it up this morning) is: soldiers that use surprise raids, sabotaging communication and supply lines. Hmm. That sounds exactly right.

Mothers of young men unite! Arm yourselves, and defend your sons against the enemy!

I'll be in the other room with my rosary if you need me.

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25 comments:

  1. Grrrrr....I'm right with you....armed and dangerous. I have experienced the same type of situation with one of my sons and a particular 17 year old girl that I ended up telling my son she was not welcome at our home. I don't think she liked me very much...the feeling was mutual I can assure you. Grrrr.....that was a couple years ago and he has matured a bit since...a little bit. Parenting older kids is a job!

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  2. Okay. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Now. Be careful. You don't want to lose your son over this. He likely thinks he loves her and it is the nature of things that men should leave their mothers and cleave to their wives and all that. He will take her side if he feels you are at war with her.

    I suggest a different tact. Keep your friends close; keep your enemies closer. It's a school night? Son can't go out, but you are welcome to stay until 10 - or 9 or 8 or whatever hour you feel is reasonable - and then you'll have to go home. Make sure she's invited to family activities if you can handle it, and you'll have your eye on both of them.

    More importantly, you will, hopefully, have your son's trust, and you can talk to him about whatever issues you see and ways he can handle them without compromising his values.

    But don't set yourself as her rival. Don't lose your son over a temporary girl.

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  3. I'm sending my sons to the seminary right now.

    And that calling on her way over is pretty rude. I would never assume that it's ok to drop in on someone without giving a quick call first -before I actually left the house. Then again, there were no cell phones when I was dating, so there was no option to call on the way there.

    And also, it was "too much trouble" to drive to your house and then let your son and husband cart her all over God's country but she'll just pop over unannounced? Huh.

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  4. Just read Jennie C.'s response, and I like it. I still think the girlfriend needs some manners, but Jennie's advice is similar to what my parents have had to do with a few of my brother's girlfriends. The girls are history now, but he is still close to my parents.

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  5. Cheryl, I knew you would be with me on this. ;-)

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  6. Jennie,
    I haven't exposed my tactics as of yet. Thus far it's still friendly (on the surface) and my reasons for saying no to Friday's game plans are safety. That's just too much driving for a new driver (it's too much for anyone, but especially a new driver). I haven't let on to my son that his girlfriend is "stuck in my craw," and I don't intend too. In fact, I already had to pull my husband back for fear that he would push him to her (see, it's not just me!). I'm just venting with my girlfriends, because I know you'll tell me what I need to hear. ;-)

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  7. Aimee,
    If you remember, I did send my son to the seminary, at least for a weekend visit. You can see where that got me. I keep asking God (begging) to speak more loudly (shout!) if he really wants him, but right now this girl has his ear.

    I'm biding my time with this one. Surely the first can't last forever?

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  8. Oh yes, I am with you. I didn't banish the very pretty, very independent 17 year old young lady right away...she was *proper* in the beginning...and as she got used to being around us she began exhibiting more and more immodest/immoral behavior, language, etc. I have noticed that 15-17 year olds today act like they think they are 25-27 year olds....many prayers, Barbara and a hug.

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  9. Now, I have 4 girls and I think that conniving thing is built in!!!

    My good friend's daughter is newly in college and is already dating a young man and seeing what her mother is going through now....can't I just keep my kiddos, well, kiddos?

    Thanks for the laugh this morning, whether you meant it to be funny or not, it was pretty funny!

    I love that "temporary girlfriend" thing, just rememeber she is just that.

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  10. I was once a teen-age girl and never ever ever called to go over to a boys house. I feel for you sweet Barbara...keep the prayers coming!

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  11. You invite him to make the family meal (he has this new found chivalry - and what better place to use it- serving others)before the game. She drives there because he will be busy with the prep - or she can come early to help out. Talk to him with the menu tonight - and whatever else he might need to discuss. Pray as a family before the meal. If they don't want to do that - suggest perhaps the Holy Spirit might be whispering to them,

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  12. I don't think this situation is specific to just girlfriends. I get the same things with Meg's bff. We should just adopt her since she's here most of the time and I have to pick up and wash her clothes, and feed her!

    I like Jennie's advice, too. I'm filing it away...

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  13. We've already told our kids they can't date until they are 18. After reading this, I'm sticking to it. Probably won't be any easier than...except maybe to minimize the number of years I have to deal with it.

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  14. The only problem with that as I can see is that you will not be there when they start dating in college to give guidance - and they need it even though they will never ask. What they learn about dating from friends will be much more dreadful. Three of mine are now married to wonderful Catholic spouses. They say now they appreciate our help and guidance. Mostly they wanted to do group and family things in high school and did not date until they were seniors. It is difficult to have hard and set rules about when to start. You may not think they are dating, but with the internet, etc, they may think they are. I would rather things be kept in our sight. Sponsoring things like Bible studies at the house for everyone is fun and they like learning together

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  15. Group dating is different than one-on-one dating. I see one-on-one dating as "looking for a spouse" and group dating as learning how to relate to the opposite gender. In a way, they have already begun group dating, since we spend lots of time with a family where the oldest girl is hitting that "interested in boys" stage. Fortunately, my boys are definitely NOT interested in girls. Yet.

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  16. Jamie,
    I have learned that girls think differently than boys (I think I actually think like a guy, so this was a revelation when I realized it with my daughter), and I can see that they might be a little more manipulative (they can certainly work things to their favor), but I don't think your girls can possibly be conniving. Not like a teenager. ;-)

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  17. Like I said, Christine, things have changed a lot since I was a girl, too.

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  18. stgiannaprayforus,
    Thank you for your sound advice. I think things are going to work out for tomorrow, praise be to God. I need to take my own advice and take it one day at a time. Borrowing trouble again, I am.

    I completely agree about group dating. Because my son attends an all-boys school there are not a lot of opportunities. Maybe I need to host a small get together this fall. Thanks for the push. ;-)

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  19. Sara,
    I was just thinking today that this situation is probably not unique to girlfriends (great minds, honey), we have just been extraordinarily blessed with friend friends. And I need to think of this girlfriend as a friend friend and treat her just the same. Thanks. ;-)

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  20. Michelle,
    Did I mention that my son is 18? Oh well, I probably won't have to deal with it for too long (unless it's true love) and being a stubborn German woman, I can stick it out longer than she can. Keep those boys away from the girls as long as you can. They are just too cute. ;-)

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  21. Glad it worked out this time. Just keep praying. What friends say matter more to kids a lot of times - and good ones will help alot (as do siblings).

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  22. first...grrrrrrrrr.
    as a former teenage girl, they are DEFINITELY the enemy. i am always apalled at my previous behavior. but with parents who were always working i had too much alone time to be conniving. and guerilla like. watch out for her is all can say. girls ARE snakes.
    and boys, well we all know adam didn't think too much about taking a bite out of that apple. he did what he was told...
    shame on the whole lot of us!

    ps. i think conniving is really a character trait of most of the teen species. i just haven't seen much proof to make me believe otherwise.

    praying with you and for you, dear friend...my heart is pierced almost minute by minute these days. and all i really can seem to do is pray...and that, we are told, is sufficient.

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  23. Thank you, Regan, for your prayers. I knew that you would understand. ;-)

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I appreciate your comments -- sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself!