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College boy is home on break. This is his second quarter of his freshman year, and we have now gone through what we call "reentry" twice -- at Christmas break and now. He came home on Thursday afternoon, went to bed at 8:00 p.m. and woke up at 2 p.m. yesterday afternoon after a refreshing 18-hour sleep. He then stayed up until 9:30 a.m. (today) and is now sleeping. Doug and I have jokingly called college "the infant asylum" because college students seemingly have their days and nights mixed up the way newborns do.
I won't put up with this at home, though, and right now college boy is facing a long week of mom's cold shoulder if he doesn't snap out of it. What do you do with a 19-year-old man who won't go to bed when he should?
Any advice? Please email me or leave a comment. Thanks.
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Hmmm. Padlock the fridge? That way, if he wants any of mom's good cookin', he'll have to get up for the regular family meals. :-) Or send Peach in in the morning with a karaoke machine and a nice selection of percussion instruments.
ReplyDeleteI've done this 4 times, the youngest of the 4 is now 23. If it is any consolation and trust me it won't be much of one, they do this partly as an "ahhhhh it's good to be in my own bed, at my own house, with my own people." That being said you have to "remind" them that you aren't the dorm manager from school. He has had his re entry as you call it and its time to re enter family life. That you don't expect him to completely revert to being a high school senior but you do expect respect that is is your home and he remembers the framework of how that works." Good luck because I always say birthing adult children is way harder than childbirth ever thought about it. Thank God He gave us knees.
ReplyDeleteWell, let me ask you this: What was he doing until 9:30 this morning? Was he playing video games in your basement? Or was he out and about?
ReplyDeleteBecause that would affect my reception (as a mother) of his decision. On the one hand, at least he's home with you--"with his own people," as Martha said.
On the other hand, your house is not a hotel. If he was at a party or some such thing, that would really bug me.
I don't know, Barbara. I'm learning from you! I do know that my sister is always completely worn out after the college kids are home for the weekend. You gotta love 'em, but the late teens/early 20's are just a...fairly self-oriented time.
Haha Jennie. I'm afraid after living in the dorm that Peach probably couldn't wake him, although if she did she'd also get growled at! Padlocking the fridge, however, might have possibilities. I'd have to put everything from the pantry in there!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Martha, It does make me feel better to know that I'm not the only mama dealing with it. You are so right -- all those times I thought sleepless nights with an infant were sooo hard! Hahahahahahahahaha!
Dear Margaret,
Well, he was in the house. He was in his room (I think -- I was sleeping). So he was safe, and he was home. However, it's somewhat a slap in the face when your child chooses to sleep while you are awake and wake while you are asleep. I'm trying not take it personally -- I think it's pretty common among college students.
You hit the nail on the head with "early 20's are just a...fairly self-oriented time." Man are they ever.
My guys are only little, but can I offer an opinion from my own memories of the difficulties of re-entry?
ReplyDeleteFirst off, college is such a selfish time---remember he has only had himself to consider for several months and so he's probably not meaning to slight you, family time just isn't on his radar. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be...just that it isn't yet.
And second, I'd offer that he has probably been on a late night schedule (although hopefully not too many all-nighters) and so it will probably take a little bit to adjust to normal family rhythms. I remember we thought nothing of staying out til 2 and 3 a.m. (and we were being good, I promise....we were just awake!) and it was so hard to come home to parents who wanted me in bed by 11. It seemed like I was just getting a start on my evening.
My suggestion would be to catch him after a meal when he's full and pleasant and go over expectations for home time. Ask him what he expects too...don't just lay out your "demands" (although I can't imagine you'd be that kind of mom), but see what he wants to do with the family on his break as well. An open discussion (where he feels like you are treating him as an adult---even if he's not entirely acting like one) will go a long way to making the summer re-entry even easier!
I hope this helps. I remember feeling so frustrated as a college kid. So happy to be home in my own space and so frustrated with my parents for not giving me some room. I'm sure they were just as frustrated with me for treating them like "the help"---so I'd say talk about it with him....be clear with each other, pray for each other...that's all I've got :-)
Barbara, prayers for a smooth re-entry. My second boy is a night owl - loves being up at night and sleeping during the day - very difficult to awaken - and he'll be attending college five hours from home come this August - Sorry, I have no answers - only more questions and lots of prayers. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteDear Denise,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your perspective. It does help to be reminded that he might be feeling as frustrated with us as we are with him. I did a little online research yesterday and learned that when you mess with your sleeping schedule, the way college students do, pulling all-nighters, it's the equivalent of flying back and forth across the globe and not knowing what time zone you're supposed to be in. I guess it will take a while to get in a rhythm. He did better last night.
Dear Cheryl,
I'll pray for you, if you'll pray for me.
I tell ya -- labor ain't nothin' next to this! It's no wonder most people go gray when their kids are college age (lucky for me I did it early).
When my oldest came home for Christmas she had her nights and days mixed up too. I have the fuse box all marked and when I call lights out and she didn't agree and tried to stay up I just flipped the switch. She came around quickly.
ReplyDeleteI will keep that tactic in mind, knitalittle. Thanks for your advice. Things have shaped up quite a bit.
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