Yesterday morning, college baby texted me to say he woke up sick. He apparently had a stomach bug, and besides getting sick, he felt achy and feverish. Since he is just 30 minutes away (20 if he's sick), I asked if he wanted me to come and get him. He said no.
All day long I checked in with him, to see if he had been sipping water, taking advil, had kept anything down. I was very worried, not because he had a stomach virus, but because I couldn't do anything, not so much as brew a cup of hot tea. It's an awful feeling, and I can't imagine how badly I would have felt if he had been hundreds of miles away and there was no option to fetch him.
By dinner time he was feeling a little bit better. But I was a real mess, wishing I had just gone to get him and not asked what he wanted. The angel on one shoulder reasoned that he's 18 years old, and he didn't want, or need his mother at this time. But, the devil on the other shoulder, said what a bad mother I am, that I should have marched down to campus and hauled him home to bed.
I was in a place I am not often in -- out of control. I don't do it very well, and I certainly don't like the feeling. I'm curious to know, what would you do? Or, maybe you've already been in my shoes, what did you do?
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Been in your shoes several times with three daughters going through college. It is so tough when they are sick...mine were two hours away so a little tougher but still close enough I could be there if needed. Honestly, I just called... a lot. And sent comfort boxes filled with hot soup, tea, a magazine, etc. I wasn't "there" but at least I felt like I was "doing" something! LOL
ReplyDeleteI probably would have done the same thing you did. I would have called, worried, prayed, fretted about loss of control, but ultimately not picked him up.
ReplyDeleteI think.
Get back to me in 8 years when I am in this position! :)
I live in a college town (and oddly enough work in the Office of Residential Life at that school)my daughter graduated from the above mentioned college in 2006 and my son attends now. So, i have always been able to continue "to smother" I mean take care of them when they were sick. From experience with many other parents who are not in attendance when their children are ill you did the right thing. I am sure that your college as ours has great Resident Advisors looking in on the students and if they needed you they would call you.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck, its not easy.
Barbara
In 2 years this will be me.
ReplyDeleteActually it could be me a week from now, when Big Brother goes to Gulfport, MS with Habitat for a week with a school group. SO far away from home, and with dangerous tools at his disposal.
I hope your son is OK and that when he REALLY needs his mom, he is not too macho to text you!
My third little chick is about ready to fly the coop...it is a time fraught with fear and letting go.
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing, Barb. You're giving him the confidence to do what a man needs to do and you're still keeping that door open, should he need the comfort of home. That means everything.
there is nothing comfortable about feeling out of ontrol...especially for a mother!
ReplyDeleteHowever it's one of the requirements for spiritual growth. It's called surrender and trust.
You did the right thing Barbie. ss