Yesterday was a hard day for the emotional females in my house, and today is likely to be a tough one, also. Fortunately there are just two of us, with many unemotional males to mix things up. Having the boys around is kind of like throwing sawdust on a spill -- they soak up that emotion and hold us all together.
Yesterday, Peach alternately wept about the loss of her Godmother, wept in anticipation of taking Geoffrey to college today, and played outside in her normal rough and dirty way. I alternately wept with her and was amazed at her ability to recover from her emotional outbursts so quickly.
Her emotional response to Jill's death and to Geoffrey leaving are completely and totally selfish, which I think is probably pretty normal for a six year old. In fact, I think they are pretty normal for all of us. Peach says, "Jill will never come and see me again," and I am thinking "I will never be able to see my Jill again." She says,"I don't have a Godmother any more," (remember that Godmothers are a pretty magical thing for little girls) and I am thinking, "I don't have my Jill any more." She says, "Geoffrey won't be here to play with me any more," and I am thinking, "There will be an empty place in our family while he's gone."
We're all very selfish in our loss, aren't we? When we lose someone close to us, we are rarely sad for them. Jill is in heaven with Our Loving Father; how could I be truly sad for her? And Geoffrey is going off to college to enjoy life and continue to grow; I can't really be sad about that can I? But yet, we are. We weep.
I know that God, in His infinite wisdom, has a purpose for every thing. Not that he planned all this for us, but sorrow has a purpose and suffering has a purpose. And good will come from it. Maybe our sorrow is just like the sawdust to the spill -- it holds us all together.
- Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and God of all encouragement, who encourages us in our every affliction, so that we may be able to encourage those who are in any affliction with the encouragement with which we ourselves are encouraged by God. For as Christ's sufferings overflow to us, so through Christ does our encouragement also overflow. 2 Corinthians 1: 3-5
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Excellent reflections, and very true. I've always found it a little easier to grieve once the children came along because they don't wallow. They feel what they're feeling and then they move on. If they come back to it, they don't linger forever on what they've lost. It's a good lesson.
ReplyDeleteStill praying for you all.
I don't know if this is so much SELFISHNESS as it is...I don't know what to call it...but I am sure that Jesus' friends, disciples, companions and His own Mother felt this same "hole" in their lives after Good Friday--and I'd dare to say even after the Ascension (though with less mourning that time).
ReplyDeleteIf we do not feel that pain of loss when someone is no longer with us (even if they are just "away at college") then we have not loved.
You have loved! You have BEEN loved! And love is the greatest gift and virtue.
My prayers will be with your family, for as long as you need them.
Such truth Barbara. Ciara and I went to Mass in the Tullamore Cathedral this morning and lit some candles for you all. Will continue to keep you in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteSo true Barbara. We are selfish by nature. We miss those we lose. It's really the missing them, right? We are truly happy for them to be perfect with our Father in Heaven, we want that, yet we cannot fully understand Heaven, so we want people here as long as we can have them.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful thoughts Barbara.
((((Barbara)))) I'm weeping with you....
ReplyDeleteelaine
I'm having difficulty typing through tear filled eyes and the lump in my throat. It comforts me to remember that even Jesus wept over the death of his friend Lazarus. When we lose a loved one through a move, change in life or through death, we experience a *good kind of pain*. God allowed us the opportunity of getting to know and love this person. When they move on, there is a void, a loss because that person is no longer with us or in a different capacity.
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you, my friend.
Maybe it's a necessary selfishness. Or maybe "selfish" isn't quite the right thought...was Our Blessed Mother selfish when she wept at the foot of the cross?
ReplyDeleteWell, the point of this comment was to leave you some love and prayers, not criticize the semantics, so forgive me if I sound that way!
Hugs to you, Barbara, as you grieve!