Saturday, April 26, 2014
Have you ever felt like you have put yourself out "there," wherever "there" may be, and then you realized "there" was too far? Maybe it was a little too far, or a lot too far.
I think, I know, I've been doing that a lot lately and it feels scary. I've put my heart out there, and a little too much of my husband's hard-earned wage, and I feel like I need to pull back. It's so hard to know if sticking your neck out, your heart out, your pocket book out there is a good thing or not. Do you know what I mean?
I have many friends who are possibly imaginary. People I feel close to and to whom I give pieces of my heart. When I really think about it, that is, frankly, scary. It sometimes makes me feel like a small girl whose best friend is make-believe, a character of her imagination..
Mostly I trust that the friends I make online are real, are lovely like-minded women in this hard journey, dragging our children, and our husbands, sometimes kicking and screaming, to heaven. I trust that they have their real faces on and are putting their hearts, and necks out there as much as I am, but then sometimes, like now, I think, "Whoa, this is weird. I am giving too much of myself away to people I don't know anything about, really."
I am pulling back, feeling the need to be in the moment, in the present, and real.
at 9:53 PM