A new mantra

My oldest son is employed by the IT department at the university he attends. He's a "troubleshooter" of sorts for the faculty and staff. Sometimes he troubleshoots on the phone and sometimes he gets requests to troubleshoot in person. For the most part he likes his job, and he laughs when he tells me stories of how this person or that called him to his or her office to change the printer cartridge. As you can imagine people, and for some reason especially in academia, are very clueless about computer technology.

He is fortunate, he is gifted that way.

One day he called me after work to tell me about a woman who had yelled at him over the phone. She was frustrated beyond reason about her problem and she took it out on him. He told her she would have to call back when she could be reasonable. Good for him. I told him that his department needs to adopt to mantra "please state your problem without emotion."

After I got off the phone I realized we all do that, don't we? How often my daughter or son comes to me with a problem, and they whine or talk through clenched teeth (wonder where they got that?)? How often do I tell Faith to clean up her craft supplies, or toys, with barely concealed (or not concealed) anger at having to tell her again, and again. Or I rant and rave while picking up the dirty clothes from my son's bedroom floor.

This past week I realized that even my son's school teacher uses emotion by his red pen. How different this admonishment would have been without the emotion it carried?

We all do it to some degree.

"If anyone does not fall short in speech, he is a perfect man, able to bridle his whole body also." James 3: 2

Sometimes it's good emotion. How often have you told a loved one a message with tears in your eyes? Or while laughing until your belly hurt?

But when we state our problem with anger, it is hurtful, without exception.

"In the same way the tongue is a small member and yet has great pretensions. Consider how small a fire can set a huge forest ablaze. The tongue is also a fire. It exists among our members as a world of malice, defiling the whole body and setting the entire course of our lives on fire, itself set on fire by Gehenna." Jame 3:5-6

Since having that conversation with my son, I have found that when I remove the emotion from the spoken word, my spoken word, my children respond differently. I may not sound "happy" when I ask Faith to make her bed and clean up the stuffed animals from the floor, but she is more likely to do it with a happy heart if I at least use a neutral tone.

"For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. This need not be so, my brothers." James 3: 7-10

Do you remember this story I told you a few months ago? How different that exchange would have been without the frothy anger that bubbled over onto my family?

God calls us to charity, and charity in the spoken word is sometimes the hardest form. We are all impulsive with our words -- speaking before we stop and think. Jesus calls us to try harder, the Gospel says we will be judged on our words.

"A good person brings forth good out of a store of goodness, but an evil person brings forth evil out of a store of evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will render an account for every careless word they speak. By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” Matthew 12: 35-37

But we are also called to forgive harsh words used against us.

"[And] be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving one another as God has forgiven you in Christ." Ephesians 4:32

As human beings it is difficult to forgive words harshly spoken. Our Lord forgave all, but then He is God. As humans we tend to hold unkind words closely, remembering them often, like the tongue remembers a sore tooth, poking and prodding and often keeping it sore.

Our mouths can be used to hurt and to heal. It is wise to remember to think before one speaks, and acts.

And "state your problem without emotion."