Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:6-7

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Still Needed


Yesterday was a stress-filled day. Our first day of school...why is it that first days are so hard? We were all anxious for school to begin, so why is it that it never lives up to our expectations? Faith was so poky yesterday I thought she would be in fourth grade before she finished writing a page of words and definitions. But no one cried...that was good. That was a first I think. (I wish I could say the same for today.)

But, all day my heart was heavy with Geoff moving out. He was only home a week between apartments, but I so loved waking up in the morning and having everyone under one roof. No one to worry about because they are all there, under my wings. Because of Geoff's work schedule we planned to drive his few pieces of furniture to his apartment after dinner. He is just 20 minutes away on campus, so I knew we could do it. Doug was impatient, however, and anxious for some reason. We argued before we left -- Geoff felt his impatience and I'm sure interpreted it wrongly. I'm always the one buffering the hurt feelings in our home. That's why mothers are made "cushy," I'm certain -- we are the shock absorbers of the family, reducing the friction between the ones we love.

After we left him at his apartment, small, but at least clean, and in a slightly less scary neighborhood than last year, I drove home alone, since we had needed two vehicles. My heart was still heavy. Feeling completely unneeded, unnecessary, and even a little unwanted, I was on the verge of tears when my cell phone rang. The call was from home where Faith had stayed with Joshua.

"Hi mommy," she said in her sweet, little girl voice. "Hi, sweetie," I said, "what's up?"

"Mommy, what is that black phone for?" she asked.

"Do you mean in the laundry room, sweetie?" I replied.

"Yes. Why is the black phone in there?" she asked again.

"Well, that's the phone grandpa put in for me," I replied.

"You mean because the phone always rings when you're washing clothes?" she asked.

"Yup, that's right," I said.

"Is it only for emergencies?" she asked.

"No," I said, "It's for whenever I'm in the laundry room."

"Oh. Can I call you right back?" she asked. "Sure," I said, laughing to myself.

A minute later the phone rang. "Hi, mommy. I did it. I dialed the new phone," she said, excited.

"Do you mean you're standing right by the washing machine?" "Yes," she said. "I could reach."

"That's awesome, sweetie. I'll see you in a few minutes when I get home," I said.

"O.k. Bye, mommy. I love you."

I have never questioned God for giving me the family that He did -- four children spaced from ages 21 to 8. I always knew God was smarter than I, and while it was not the family I ever thought I'd have, it was what God knew that I needed. Yesterday evening I was ever so glad for His wisdom.

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How inscrutable are his judgments and how unsearchable his ways! Romans 11:33


  1. Wonderful. I am glad you were blessed with that moment at the time you needed it.

    I, too, think about my family with the same awe. It surely is not the family I thought I'd have—soon-to-be 6 children, ages 8-0. But this is truly the family I need. And with that, I give thanks to God!

  2. I look at our family in the same way. I would not have chosen this path myself, but I have to trust daily that God's path is the right one.

  3. In His wisdom, God knew I needed six children to love and cherish, with 23 years between the first and last. Never would I have imagined that for myself!
    Isn't it truly awesome when God allows those beautiful moments - with those little blessings exactly when we need them?!

    God bless your whole family, especially Geoff, Faith and you, dear Barbara! Prayers for you.

  4. What a sweet story. God is good, always , in every way. Trust, Mommy. xoxo Gma

  5. Beautiful post, Barbara :)

  6. Gotta love it! I have my own quirky 8-year-old, so I can COMPLETELY picture this. Don't you wish we could bottle this age? Except for the crying part, that is...

  7. I thank God that He gave me what I needed and not what I wanted. Our Father is so loving! Glad you had that moment of grace and shared as it blesses us all:~D

  8. Beautiful! I can feel your mama's heart. On the bright side, he's 20 minutes away when you need to see him, hug him and love him, yes? I'm not so lucky but find in the homeschooling family setting, every child who leaves the home, also leaves a hole in the fabric of our family quilt. Everyone has a hard time adjusting. Bless your sweet Faith. I love her using that black phone! <3 Hugs to you my friend.

  9. Ah, Barb...so sweet. It's so hard when they leave, isn't it? Nothing ever really prepares us for it. I used to think that raising a child to independence was such a good thing...and it is good, but not in the way you'd think. There's ever so much more worry when they leave the nest...and that feeling of "displacement" isn't much fun, either. But it passes. And you find yourself ridiculously proud of the little things they do on their own. Like baking their first lasagna. Handling a small crisis and telling you about it afterward, both of you marveling at the transition from childhood to adulthood. I've watched three "birdies" fly the "nest." And I've praised God that He gave me these little ones to soothe my sore heart. I'm praising God for you, too. For His wisdom. And for a sweet little girl who knew just the right time to pick up the phone...bless you...may your school days be peace-filled...in His time!


I appreciate your comments -- sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself!