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...if you call it a reward?
We've had a knock-down-drag-out in our house two nights in a row. Mom and dad against two young men with a messy room -- a very messy room.
For some reason, which is incomprehensible to two average adult parents, these two young men can not see dirty clothing, trash, electric cords, game boxes, and books scattered across their floor. Should I have their eyes checked?
For some reason, also incomprehensible to two average adult parents, the young men don't understand when we say, "Only the furniture should be on the floor." All they hear is "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." I should add a hearing screening.
I have bought and conveniently placed baskets around their room, and placed in them like items -- DVDs in here, games in here, books on the shelves so lovingly painted and prepared for use. But there are no games, no DVDs in the baskets. They are on the floor, with the books and the clothes and the trash and even some bedding.
So last night I stole everything that was loose -- gathered it all up in laundry baskets and boxes and hid it. They are whining, and crying, "Can we pleeeease have our stuff back?" I resist.
And so, I shamefully confess I have resorted to a bribe. I've tried it before, with limited success, but now I'm bringing out the big guns -- those reward charts we used when they were, um, three or four years old -- evidence boys never grow up. The young men are working toward pennants.
Peach, who is a much tidier girl, but who could use some reinforcement, is working toward removing the "baby" wallpaper (her word, not mine) and putting up stickers.
Have you a method for keeping your children's rooms clean, other than perhaps waterboarding, that works at your house?
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I have tried everything that I can think of, and the room looks just like you described your boys room. My son is just 7 years old. Daughter is 10 yrs. We had the reward chart working for a few weeks, then they gave up. I think I need to start taking priveledges away, that works better than rewards. No TV, No eating out. No treats, etc.
ReplyDeleteIt is a daily struggle to get my son to pick up his room.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I love the photo in your header. It is very beautiful!
I don't know what the solution might be unless you become a drill sergeant and that doesn't sound like any fun. Still, the Marines have EXTREMELY clean barracks. I wonder how they do it.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, Rosario. I think loss of privileges does work better. It just makes me such the bad cop!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Esther. And I'm so glad I'm not alone!
Ellen -- fear of PT is how the Marines do it. But something tells me I'm too soft to count 100 push ups!
My husband stayed back one Sunday from Mass and CLEARED out the kids entire room. Took everything out and put it into another room then locked that door. The only thing left in their room was their beds (without bedding), their dressers (with no clothes) and a few loose hangers (no clothes).
ReplyDeleteEach chore gave them one item back (one shirt, one pair of pants, one pair of shoes, so on). One mouthy remark, one stomping of foot to do chore, one rolling of eyes, we took an earned item back.
Took them 45 days to earn all their stuff back.
When they decide to dawdle or refuse to clean their room when I say to clean it (it's always a reasonable time too, nothing drastic or interruptive)... we do what's called "GI parties". We start at 8pm and they have to clean until it's done. So if they dawdle and end up staying up till midnight, it's on them. But I will get them up at 0700 regardless of what time they went down so they recognize and know that when we tell them to clean, we mean business. Don't dawdle and take your sweet time in the hopes that the next fun event will come up and you still get to do it.
I think it's just a battle that will be fought until they're paying the rent. Then it'll hit them.
I have no words of wisdom at all in this department...my boys' room has been a nightmare for some time now. I know it's not both my boys...one of them is neat as a pin...the other is the messy culprit. I wonder if he'll treat his dorm room the same way???
ReplyDeleteWhy can't these guys see that the rest of the house is neat and clean...we're not asking them to clean the whole house...just one little room?
Wow, I don't even know what to say to that, Ddw. You guys really took the bull by the horns. My husband is too soft on the boys. He thinks one day's punishment is enough. I guess he needed the Army!
ReplyDeleteExactly, Cheryl. Just one little room is all I ask. They have lived in a neat and tidy home all their lives (but I wonder how much they noticed). I guess like Dirtdartwife says, they won't take note until they are paying the rent. And hopefully then.
ReplyDeleteWe've been dealing with this primarily with our just turned 8 year old son. He has bins for books, shelving for toys, a toy box for stuffed animals so there is no excuse for such clutter that it's a hazard to walk in the room.
ReplyDeleteWe've tried chore charts. The boy is only motivated for a week or two at the most.
So now he's given ample warning and time to clean up, whatever remains on the floor becomes our property. He doesn't get it back until he's kept his room clean for at least a week. After a week he gets a few items back. If he starts back talking, whining, any temper tantrums, then nothing doing. Needless to say I've become quite unpopular lately. ;)
I have 3 kids with messy rooms. My husband and I are both too soft on them in this regard. As a kid, I also had a messy room--until I went off to college and my roommate was WAY messier than I was. That cured me to some degree.
ReplyDeleteI'll be checking back to see if your kids have earned their rewards. And what happens to the stickers/pennant if they don't keep it that way?
I like the way DDW did it! My ds7 is good about picking up his room, but my dd10 is something else. They are gone every other weekend, and there have been many times when I go into here room on that weekend and remove all the junk from the floor. I put it in the crawl space under the stairs and wait to see if she notices. She never has and I've ended up donating it. Obviously part of the problem is she has too much stuff, huh?!
ReplyDeleteMy husband is currently on Active Duty and I used to be on Active Duty. Yep... we've been "trained" Army style! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm actually more of a neat freak and it drives me bonkers to see a room in disarray. I will admit to getting lazy so I don't harp on the kids too awful much but when I walk into their rooms and they can't differentiate between dirty and clean clothes, locate toys underneath all those clothes and are ripping books from stepping on them.. then yes, that's when we impose a time frame and they get to work. All fun things immediately stop until the room is done to standard. Once it's finished, I won't even bother with their room for about two weeks.