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This morning I was looking at my fingernails and thought to myself, "I should get a manicure." And then I laughed out loud. Like I have time for a manicure. I've had an unused gift certificate for a manicure since last Mother's Day.
I know many women will say, "you have to take care of yourself first." But really, who does that?
Have you ever read that story that made the e-mail rounds a few years ago about the mother who tells the father that she is going to bed and then she does like 800 things before she finally makes it there? Dad meets mom coming to bed about the time she finishes her 800 things and says "I thought you said you were coming to bed hours ago."
That's my life. I'm sure it's yours, too.
Yesterday evening I boiled water for tea three times before I finally made a cup. Then I took it up to bed with me and when I finally sipped it, it was cold. Story of your life?
I am constantly trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. What can I change so that I have more time for myself? Even if it's just to get on the treadmill for 20 minutes (I'm not doing very well there). How do I squeeze more time out of a day? I get up before 7 and go to bed after 11. I'm sure I could sleep less, but I wouldn't be worth much.
I could give up blogging, but that's only about 20 minutes (o.k., that could be the treadmill time except I never sit down at the computer for 20 consecutive minutes). I can't not teach the children -- that's the bulk of the time I spend each day. And I can't not do laundry and ironing. I can't not do the dishes and clean the pink mildew out of the toilets (do your toilets grow pink stuff too?). I can't not make the one hour round trip to pick up my high schooler, or spend the hour(s) with him doing geometry at night (last night it was two and a half hours -- torturous). I can't not cook meals.
Can I ignore my children when they ask for help? That's only about 100 interruptions in a day. Usually the interruptions are, in my opinion, a waste of time. "Can you find me whatever?" "Do you know where my whatever is?" "Can I have a snack, a drink, some attention, pleeeease?" Can I say "go away, you're botherin' me kid"?
No, I can't. Being available to meet their needs is their security. So that they know, even when mom is really ticked off about something, "I know she loves me."
The only sacred thing for me, that I don't give up for anyone (well, almost never), is prayer time. Quiet time with God.
So yesterday, when I was completely frazzled, and wondering for the millionth time (do you think I exaggerate a little?) what I could change to make more time for me, I realized that my life is like the occasional algebra problem. The solution is: no solution. Except for prayer time, and the occasional school holiday, there is no time for me and that's apparently the way it should be. I am the mother of four children. Granted one's in college, but he consumes loads of worry time. The other three are ages six to sixteen. There are a variety of needs between the ages of six and sixteen and I'm the mom to meet the needs. There is nothing to solve here.
"Me time" will come, hopefully, some other day. And then again, maybe not.
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the only me time i get is once the kids are in bed and tug is watching a tv show i dont care for (24).
ReplyDeletefor exercising, i am now starting to make that a bit of a priority...mon/wed/fri we meet another homeschooling family and go for about a 40 minute walk. tues/thur and mon/wed the kids have activities at the YMCA so I am now trying to work out during that time (which has really put a damper on my knitting). luckily they have a family workout room so the 2 smaller ones can be playing in the same room i am working out in.
(un?)fortunately moms have to get by on about 5 minutes a day of true me time.
r
sounds like if you're spending quality time with the BIG guy, you know what needs to be done, HE's right there with you. maybe the kids could help out a little more.
ReplyDeletesure, things arent' done quite like you'd do them, but at least you have some help. you can't ignore the pink stuff in the toilet, it could be dangerous. so personally, i'd give up the ironing.....
ps. except i must add that all 3 boys + husband have gone to mass for the past 2 weeks in a row with PERFECTLY ironed shirts. so i am proud of myself! but it is still JANUARY, there is time for me to start slacking on those new years resolutions!
Regina,
ReplyDeleteI wish I had come to this realization when I was as young as you!
Regan,
You are right -- the kids need to help. My standards are not really the problem (although I have been known to secretly redo). It's the complaints. Really I shouldn't take them personally because we all complain. I should just close my ears.
I wish I could quit ironing but my husband wears a dress shirt every day and my son wears a dress shirt and khakis everyday. Not to mention Sunday clothes! I don't mind it too much if I can watch a movie.
Oh I have been there. When I reached that point was when I handed over the laundry. I figured they produced the 20 loads a week they could have the joy of washing it. Lined all 4 of them up one Saturday, with their own color coded laundry basket and showed them how the machine worked. The youngest was 9 at the time the oldest 16. I swear I heard the heavens open up in song at that moment.I never looked back and never regretted it. Doing two people's laundry only took a few loads once a week. I was a free woman, or so it felt. Try it. They are all grown now, and will admit to being eager to wash a load or two when they came home from college at times.
ReplyDeleteTaking care of myself is a hit and miss operation. I rejoice in both! God bless you.
ReplyDeleteIroning is my "sports on TV" time, or just TV time if there's no sports on.
ReplyDeleteI too need to get some time in to exercise. Do you do Phys Ed with your homeschooled kids? Maybe all could exercise together for PE time....
My two biggies are prayer and exercise. No answers here, but lots and lots of empathy!
ReplyDelete:)
You iron??? I think we have one of those somewhere.
ReplyDeleteYa, and what is with the pink stuff in the toilet? Is that an Ohio thing? We never had that in Colorado where I grew up...either that or my mom was more on top of the toilet scrubbing that I am - a definite possibility.
I hate that pink stuff. The water facility said it is mold. Ours mostly grows in our showers and tubs though. Yuck! I think it is a regional problem. It is a problem here in Maryland, but never saw it when I lived in Florida, Texas, New York or North Carolina. Go figure.
ReplyDeleteUm. I'm in Texas, and let me tell you, the pink stuff abounds! Tilex mold and mildew is the way to go. No scrubbing. No kidding.
ReplyDelete:)
I hear you! You got me to laughing out loud (made the sleeping baby in the other room startle!) I've had the pink toilet mold in former homes, but this place has an authentic 40's pepto pink tub, toilet and sink :) I'm starting to think the color might be a blessing in disguise... or a disguising sort of blessing.
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