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I skipped over to Kristen's this morning, happy to see she had a new post. I was unprepared for the direction I took. While I appreciate the turn, it was a hard one. I cried reading this post. It's likely I'm not finished crying.
We have all had instances when we felt fortunate that "God's grace" was with us, that our guardian angels, or our children's guardian angels, were watching. We don't often question the grace that befalls us -- unless something really horrible happens. There are a few instances when I have wondered though. Last summer when my dear friend lost her son -- I still had mine, warts and all. And 16 years ago that same dear friend lost her infant son -- and I had my precious two month old baby boy. That baby's funeral was an instance in my life when I thought I would never stop crying. I didn't exactly question God, but I wondered. Why? Why not me?
I've had enough pain in my life -- the sudden death of my father when I was 19 years old. It was enough that I know it hurts beyond belief; enough that I know I don't want to experience it again. But, that's not for me to decide.
So the question remains -- is pain God's grace? I believe it must be. Because I believe that everything comes from God. Not to punish, but for what? There is a line in a Marie Bellet song -- "On a need to know basis, it all will unfold, but my darlings, you don't need to know." The Whys are left to heaven, where I believe we will know. Where our loved ones will be back in our arms and we will be perfect in the face of Our Loving God.
If I did not believe that my pain came from God I would be crushed under the weight of it. I truly believe the saying "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger." And that strength is our path to heaven. My God knows how many hairs are on my head (Mt 10:30), He certainly knows what path I need to take to get to heaven. With His grace I will be strong enough to make my way.
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I read that post via Kristen, too. What a powerful question and such hope-filled ponderings. We recently had a tragedy in our neck of the woods... two siblings drowned in the family's pool. Ages 1 and 3. I didn't know the family personally, but some of my friends do. Talk about God's grace! The family has been amazingly strong. And as the other moms tell me about the beautiful eulogy the father gave, we are all crying....
ReplyDeleteAnd I too wonder, why them? Why not me? Or.. when, me?
God knows. And I suppose I should take comfort in that. That is my struggle, though.
:)
Beautifully written, Barbara, as was the original post at Holy Experience. Thus far, (knocking on wood), the bad or sad happenings in my life (while they have been very sad) have been somewhat mild...things I could easily bounce back from. I really am dreading the day something *really bad* happens...and wonder at times if/how I will cope, etc. Sorta scary, but thankfully, God and Mother Mary are there. :)
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