Intuition

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This generation of parents, more so than any other, I think, have given over their instinct to the experts. At the first sign of trouble as parents, we run to a book or a doctor to solve our problems. It's partly that need to resolve issues immediately -- can't let them get too permanent, and partly a lack of confidence in our own intuition. I know when my children were babies, What to Expect the First Year was my baby bible. I used that book several times a day for the first months. I suppose I had no confidence in my ability to figure it out on my own.

But, I've been a mother for more than a few years now and I think my own intuition is now louder than the experts.

Over the weekend Doug and I noticed Francis "sucking air" -- an exaggerated inhale, every once in a while. We asked him about it and he gave us a sort of backwards and upside down (vintage Francis) explanation of what was going on. We decided to make an appointment with the doctor first thing Monday. So, yesterday I took him in and after listening to his heart and lungs, the pediatrician said he thought it was nothing. He felt it was sort of a heavy sigh without the sigh. An involuntary response to some sort of anxiousness he was feeling. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Basically he was saying "it's all in his head" without actually saying the words. Now, we have great respect for our pediatrician. He is a family member and he's been our children's doctor for over 18 years. He doesn't get too excited about anything, and that has always been an advantage. Wait and see almost always works out. I think the doctor felt he was doing Francis a favor. By telling him it was nothing, it would just go away. He was trying to ease his mind.

But, yesterday, my mother's intuition said "no way" loud and clear. We left the doctor's office and as I was pulling out of the parking lot Doug called me on my cell phone. He asked what the doctor said, and without revealing any emotion, I said, "He said it's nothing." And then there was a long silence. He was waiting for me to explain myself, but without an explanation, he knew exactly was I was thinking. No way.

On the way home we grabbed a snack and when we got home Francis sat down to get his homework started. In a short time, he was sucking air again. I asked him how he was feeling and he started to get upset, even shedding a tear. He said he felt like he was suffocating. I asked why he didn't tell this to me or the doctor and he said he thought he just didn't explain it well.

So, Doug called the doctor and left a message for the answering service. Long story short, we ended up with an x-ray yesterday evening. I spoke to the doctor before we even left the radiology department. The radiologist had read the x-ray and the tech had called the doctor, who asked for me to be put on the phone. He promptly admitted that he had been wrong and Francis' lungs were hyperinflated. Basically, he was getting air in, by sucking hard, but the air was not able to get out. So, he was not getting good oxygen because he couldn't completely fill his lungs with new air. We agreed that I would use an inhaler with him for a few days and then check back to see how he's doing.

I was relieved. Not that my son's lungs are hyperinflated, but that we weren't imagining it. Francis was almost overjoyed. I can't imagine how it feels to ask for help and be told it's nothing. All in your head.

But, thinking back about the day, I realized there were only a few moments when I almost gave in. A few times when the doctor hadn't called back and I thought, "if he doesn't call back, we'll just leave it." But, even after there was a mix-up and we had to wait several hours before going for the x-ray, I knew, in my heart of hearts, that I had to listen to my own intuition.

Please say a prayer today, if you would, for my Francis. I suppose at this point I'm praying that this goes away or that it's asthma. I know that's a crazy thing to pray for (asthma). I'm just hoping it's nothing more serious than that.

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