Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Phil 4:6-7



Monday, March 31, 2014

Do you ever have days like this?




Yesterday was a two plus rosary day. I slept with my rosary last night, as I have been known to do in difficult times, and prayed throughout the night when I tossed and turned, partly due to the day I had and partly due to the corticosteroid that is revving me up.



First was Mass with Josh and Taylor and then RCIA with Taylor. The subjects: morality. Specifically: chastity, homosexuality, cohabitation, contraception. It required all my energy not to argue, I mean really argue. Did you know there are a lot of gray areas in those subjects? I didn't either. I thought that all Catholics are called to follow the laws of God, and that's pretty black and white. Thou shall not commit adultery is pretty clear. I said what I felt needed to be said and then felt dismissed with the back of a hand. In fact, I think Father probably wanted to ask if anyone but I had a question or comment please say the word. Anyone but me. He knew what I had to say. Thank goodness Taylor and I are close enough to talk about these issues together. I pray for the remaining candidates and catechumens to be enlightened.



I came home to rancor. I struggled to put dinner on the table quickly (I had not put the roast in the crock pot before I left so I had to scramble to get dinner on) and almost as soon as we sat down and finished prayer (I believe our dinner prayer invites satan to come and dine with us) Noah started his nightly glaring at his sister. She can't do anything right in his book, and if she so much as makes herself known at the table, she gets a glare. Doug had had enough all day between the two of them, and a fight between the two of them erupted. Faith and I left the table in tears. Noah left and no one ate. Do you ever have days like this? Where you feel almost nothing, not even a nice dinner, is going to go right?The rest of our evening was spent each in our own silence and sullenness.


Satan is really tying some tight knots in our family right now. Do you think maybe bringing another Catholic into our family has him riled? He is taking every opportunity to work his way between us and God.




How many novenas can I pray? Mary, Undoer of knots... Our Lady of Sorrows, St. Monica, St. Anne, pray for us.


I like this prayer from Pope Francis, who has a long-standing dedication to Mary, Undoer of knots. Free us from the knots and confusion with which our enemy attacks...



Holy Mary, full of God's presence during the days of your life, you accepted with full humility the Father's will, and the Devil was never capable to tie you around with his confusion.

Once with your Son you interceded for our difficulties, and, full of kindness and patience you gave us example of how to untie the knots of our life. And by remaining forever Our Mother, you put in order, and make more clear the ties that link us to the Lord.

Holy Mother, Mother of God, and our Mother, to you, who untie with motherly heart the knots of our life, we pray to you to receive in your hands (the name of person), and to free him/her of the knots and confusion with which our enemy attacks.

Through your grace, your intercession, and your example, deliver us from all evil, Our Lady, and untie the knots that prevent us from being united with God, so that we, free from sin and error, may find Him in all things, may have our hearts placed in Him, and may serve Him always in our brothers and sisters. 


Amen



27 comments:

  1. I hesitate to say this (and have held my tongue before), but...

    Why are you letting one person ruin the evening for everyone? If it was me (and it has been!) I'd dismiss him from the table. Depending on how nice you are, he can forgo the meal altogether or you can save him a plate to eat later - and alone - but he should not hold that kind of power over the rest of the family. A skipped meal won't kill him - it'll be harder on you, actually - but it'll probably get your point across. Repeat as needed till he is certain you are serious.

    Dinner time is when you and your husband should be reconnecting after the long day apart, and squabbling children have no place at the table. A toddler, who is somewhat lacking in self control, might be excused, but not a teenager.

    This is one knot you CAN undo!

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    1. Jennie,
      Some days I can control the situation and some days I can't. My husband was not going to back down last night, and if I had interfered to the extent required, I would have stripped him of his identity as father. The situation with me being gone all day Sunday for RCIA is making the mood at home on Sunday afternoon sour. Doug is not accustomed to getting the kids to church, and lunch, and daily tasks by himself. It was probably too much to expect him to take it on without big wrinkles. I think next week I am going to have to leave halfway through the session. And then Easter is around the corner. Sigh.

      Thank you for your advice. Normally the situation would not have escalated, and I don't normally let Noah force us to walk on eggshells. In fact, I refuse. We're seeking counseling.. Starts tomorrow.

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    2. Praise God for the counseling, Barbara. I will be praying for you--for ALL of you, 'cause nothing (NOTHING) gets under my skin like a sulky teen.

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  2. Unfortunately, we have had just such evenings. They just explode and stopping it is nearly impossible. Things will get better. Today will hopefully be better. Alas, life is full of ups and downs. You have the right idea, holding onto that rosary. I will add you to ours tonight. Until then, many hugs for you, dear friend.

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    1. Thank you, Jenny. I do hope today will be better. And tomorrow....

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  3. I was wondering where Satan was last night! Because our dinner went great...for once!!!

    Yes to all of it.
    Days, weeks, months...I even had a TWO YEAR RUN of this.

    It is so painful isn't it?

    I will pray for you today sweet friend...
    I think the key to today is just that..it is TODAY...not yesterday, but TODAY. Tell Satan to get behind you, and you carry on!

    You are never alone, you know that, right???
    And when you write about this hard stuff..the ugly and hurtful, you lift and bless another!!! You have comforted ME...because I thought our family was the only one that invited Satan to dinner!

    See? There God goes again, pulling the GOOD out of the bad...
    Love will always win.
    Remember that.
    xo

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    1. Well, I can't say I'm glad ol' hairy legs took the seat at the end of my dinner table, but I'm glad you didn't have to deal with him. You did something right yesterday!

      Everyday is a new day, but the sorts like yesterday sure do wear me out!

      Thank you for your prayers. You are a great cheerleader, and I need one today. :-)

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  4. Oh, yes . . . and it always seems to happen on a Sunday, hmmm. I can't even count the number of times we've been in the church parking lot and people are already fighting in the car. Of course, I turn around and yell, "You just got out of church!! What is WRONG with you!?!"
    Helpful, as always . . .

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    1. Oh, Aimee, those words come out of my mouth all.the.time. For 15 minutes The Lord is still with us after Communion, and five of those fifteen are usually spent griping about one thing or another in the back of the car. Maybe we need to start praying the rosary as soon as we get in the car!

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    2. My husband always says that the devil is waiting just outside the door!

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  5. Praying for those learning our faith. That they will not be mislead. Thankful for your willingness to speak up!!

    Your have some great comments so far. if I am gone the family seems to fall apart also.

    I think counseling could help...wonder why your teen has so much anger towards his sister? She probably knows his buttons and just wants to push them and he pushes back. My oldest gets physical and teases that way....poor Jonathan got a major Spock attack yesterday and I was yelling at Zach to NOT TOUCH ANYONE! hard to see little ones cry. family life can just be hard. so many different dynamics and personalities. please know that you are not alone. hugs.

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    1. Thanks for the reminder that I'm not alone. Sometimes I feel so miserable I feel like no one else goes through the same thing! I know squabbling siblings isn't even close to awful, but it's deeper than that.

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  6. I have nothing to say except, "been there, done that." I cannot stand to spend time cooking a meal only to have it ruined by one angry individual who begins arguing with everyone and everything. My house is getting quieter as they move out! Have you thought about kicking their butts out? ;) As my friend says, "birthing adults is very hard." Indeed it is.

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  7. I was mostly joking above about kicking them out...I know the culprits are minors. :) We have had to practice some very tough love parenting this past year...something I would not wish on anyone. For the boy that glares...I would take away anything/everything that he loves (especially electronics) until the glaring stopped. Yes, I would make his life rather miserable for peace at the dinner table. If that didn't work...he would eat alone, away from the family. I hope the counseling helps. I know Our Lady Undoer of Knots helps...between Her and Our Lady of Prompt Succor...they know me. :/ Hugs and Prayers!!

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    1. I know you were mostly joking, but it's true! I never thought I'd look forward to my children growing up and leaving home, but a lot changes between a sweet young kid and a 6'3" surly teen.

      The sad part is, he doesn't think it's his fault at all. How do you reason with that?

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  8. I have a very hard time reasoning with that no-fault line of thinking. I would think most of it is immaturity. If he doesn't have his driver's license yet, that might be a good incentive for him to buck up and realize his reaction to others is entirely his own. No one makes him react a certain way. If he cannot tolerate his little sister in his presence, how on Earth will he tolerate another driver/car changing lanes or putting on the brakes quickly in front of or near him. If he does have his license and you pay his auto insurance that is another incentive...no change in his behavior...no insurance...no driving! Grrr...Raising surly teens and young adults has strengthened my backbone!

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    1. I agree, Cheryl, and that logic has been part of us holding back on his license. Even though he went through driver's training, his temps expired and now he starts over again.

      If only we knew what we were in for when they were little, we could have prepared ourselves a little better. But God gives them to us when they are sweet, not ugly (behavior). There's a reason.

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  9. Is this the teen who is having trouble in chemistry? HIs older brothers are in college and now one is getting married. Boys do not say, "I am upset and want to talk about all the changes going on". It is easier to pick fights to get to talk. Be gentle in spirit.... he needs you.

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    1. I know that boys don't express themselves openly, at least not all of them. This behavior is, unfortunately, not limited to the dinner table, it just comes to a head there because we are all witness. I am hopeful that with a good Catholic counselor we can get some good strategies to head the behavior off at the pass. This boy does not like talking, but clearly he needs to say something.

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    2. Such a wise parent. His future wife, boss, or bishop will thank you one day!

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  10. Oh, Barbara. I'm so sorry you had such a horrid day. Mine was a doozy for different reasons. It began with my 4 yr. old throwing up at mass and continued to go down hill from there. I have a favorite prayer to St. Anne, but the one you ended your post with is lovely. I'll try and do a post with the prayer to St. Anne soon. It's so comforting and came to me when I really needed it.
    With love and prayers,
    Kelly

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    1. I know you have problems from little bitties all the way up to teens, Kelly. Prayers for you, too. It's never easy, it's just harder in a different way when they get too old to cuddle and distract. And have their own minds and will!

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  11. Meg and Pippo are like oil and water, so I know what you're talking about! Sometimes we walk on eggshells because of the husband as much, or more than, the teen. This kind of stuff does make their growing up and moving out a little less painful, doesn't it? I think Stgianna has a point, too.

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    1. I really, really hate to analyze my own kids based on things such as birth order, but I am really wondering if there is anything to the fact that Noah was five when Faith was born, and she "usurped" his babydom. Of course, he is gruff and she is sunny. Not a match made in heaven.

      Do you think there is anything to the birth order thing, Sara?

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    2. If you look at my family of 3, absolutely. My sis has a raging case of Middle Child Syndrome! Dr. ??? (aargh) says that every child born after the first one must have Latent Middle Child Syndrome because they might or might not be a middle child! LOL. Many children are young enough to forget that they were an only child for a while or The Baby, but since Noah was 5, and Faith is the only GIRL & SUNNY, maybe he has a little resentment. Still, there should be ground rules for dinnertime & all the time because he's 5 years older and too old to act like a baby. But he also needs special time and attention. Those teen boys tend to withdraw and I hate that!

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  12. What Cheryl M said! All of it ; ). Things rarely escalate these days but we are now working through teen number 6 so one would hope it was getting easier. My buttons don't get pushed like they used to. There was one boy however who had a real gift.... There is always one Barbara! I watch a lot of Michelle Duggar and recommit to that serene tone. Wish she was around with my first boys. God bless and hang in. You get smarter and more adored as they move through their 20s. I promise.

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  13. I fell behind in my blog reading, so I just saw this. I have had days like that. We all have. You have been through so much lately. Of course things are going to be all crazy and hard. You are still grieving. Greif has many stages and all of them are knots needed to be undone. Trust in God. Let him lead you through this.

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I appreciate your comments -- sometimes I feel like I'm talking to myself!